Dear Reader,

I have recently become fascinated with something known as "cred," which can be described as a person's worth (in the modern music scene) based on who they are, where they've been, how hard their life has been, etc. (in other words, people judge your background instead of, or more than, your music). since i find this notion a little bit ridiculous, i thought i'd play along. i even wrote it in third person...here we go!

-Jon


1981: born at home (+5 hippie points for natural birth) on halloween night (+5 goth points) in greenville, south carolina (+3 americana points).

1983: during one of many car trips across the country (+3 gypsy points), jon's dad hits a patch of ice outside of el paso, texas, and rolls the family station wagon (+2 hippie points for station wagon) into a ditch. jon hits his head, bleeds (+1 goth point). this may explain many idiosyncracies that emerge later in jon's life. (+3 texas points for the whole event). 1983 sees jon's first broken bone, a leg (+2 toughguy points)

1984: the crockers move to san ramon, ca (+1 americana point for heading west). jon's third birthday party is held at the baptist church (+3 americana points), becoming one of his earliest memories.

1985: on the back porch of the house in san ramon, jon attempts to hug a doberman pinscher (one that the family is dog-sitting), accidentally kneels on its paws, and, in the process, receives multiple bites in the face. the bloody ordeal (+3 goth points) is fixed by hundreds of stiches that will eventually become 6 separate scars (+4 toughguy points).

1986: the crocker parents split up, leaving the children mostly confused and sort of heartbroken (+3 emo points). jon, his older brothers, and his father all move to alamo, california, an upper-middle class vacuum (-4 poor points). however, mr. crocker goes into debt and works up to three jobs at a time in order to live in a safe neighborhood with good schools for his kids (+2 americana points). weekends with mom are spent on the streets of san francisco, in shady apartments/hotels, or camping (+3 gypsy points).

1987: jon gets his first mohawk (+3 punk points). the crocker brothers begin living part-time in sequoia/kings canyon national park, due to their new stepfather being a park ranger (+3 nature points, +2 americana points).

1988: younger brother levi gross is born.

1989: jon gets his second mohawk (+2 punk points). during summer, jon and his two older brothers take up the sport of bear-chasing while in kings canyon national park (+5 toughguy points, -2 nature points). weekends with mom (not during extended breaks from school) are now spent in a trailer park in the ghetto of richmond/san pablo, ca (+3 poor points).

1991: nothing notable happens.

1993: jon writes his first song and sells it for $50 (-4 punk points), uses money to buy his first real skateboard (+3 punk points). during summer, jon and his stepfather climb mt. whitney as part of a backpacking trip (+4 nature points).

1994: jon moves to ventura, california to live with his mother, the main motivation being that he can now skate and/or surf every day (+2 punk points). 1994 sees jon's second and third broken bones (+4 toughguy points), both being minor arm fractures (the second occurring at the now-defunct powell skate zone).

1995: first kiss! (+3 emo points)

1996: fourth and fifth broken bones (+4 toughguy points), due to skateboarding and bicycling.

1997: gets first skateboard sponsor, a local shop (-2 poor points). sixth broken bone, an ankle, occurs on new years eve (+2 toughguy points) at the now-defunct skate street in ventura (the first one).

1998: wins first (and only) skateboard competition during summer (-3 punk points). drivers license obtained (+3 americana points)! begins officially working for shop sponsor (-3 poor points), also gets sponsored by shop-affiliated deck company (-2 poor points).

1999: graduates high school (+3 americana points) about a month after receving his seventh broken bone while skateboarding (right elbow, +2 toughguy points) and meeting the first girl that he falls in love with (+5 emo points). about four months later, he gets dumped and is heartbroken (-5 emo points). begins community college (+3 poor points), begins playing music again (trumpet, +3 ska points) and writing songs.

2000: begins learning to play piano (-4 punk points). 8th broken bone: right hand (+2 toughguy points). stepfather (and hero) tony gross dies from cancer of the everything, jon is heartbroken again (+3 emo points). falls in love with a new girl, cathy (-5 emo points). jon's grandma moves into his room in ventura, jon is forced to move into the garage (+3 punk points).

2001: learns to play bass, then guitar. continues writing terrible songs. lands large supporting role in the college opera (-3,000,000 punk points), much singing is done. jon breaks up with cathy (-3 emo points), they reunite, then jon is dumped a month later (+3 emo points). certain breakup compications cause jon to be alienated from his circle of friends, forcing him to be a recluse (+47 more emo points) for nearly a year.

2002: starts playing in his first band (called "state of confusion"), continues writing mostly terrible songs. band breaks up, jon starts new band ("the gnomophobes") with drummer from previous band (johnny thomas) and the drummer's cousin as bass player, starts writing halfway decent songs (+3 punk points). first EP is recorded in johnny's garage on jon's 8-track (+5 DIY points). in fall, jon transfers to the california state university at northridge, commuting an hour to school because he can't afford to move out (+3 poor points).

2003: gnomophobes record full-length album, add fourth member. jon begins record solo acoustic type stuff. nothing cred-worthy happens, except maybe the occasional breakup with cathy. receives 9th broken bone during tae-kwon-do practice, his right foot (+2 toughguy points, -3 chi points).

2004: jon embarks on his first solo tour (+5 DIY points), returns to disband the gnomophbes, starting a 2-piece band with johnny called "the continental light brigade." they record an EP in johnny's garage on jon's 8-track (+4 DIY points), go on spring tour (+3 DIY points), return to record full-length studio album, go on summer tour (+4 DIY points). jon teaches himself to play banjo and mandolin (+5 americana points), records full-length solo album in fall (+4 DIY points).

2005: goes on solo winter tour (+3 DIY points), comes back to disband the continental light brigade. records and releases three more solo albums (+10 DIY points) and tours in the summer and fall after graduating from college (+3 americana points). falls in love for the third time, this time being with an assistant instructor from kung-fu class (+5 chi points, -3 emo points). tours europe for the first time during december (+6 DIY points), returns to find himself cheated on, is heartbroken (+7 emo points).

2006: records a total of 7 albums during the year, though two were partially recorded in previous years (one in 2004, one in 2005), releases three of said albums (+10 DIY points). one of the albums is written for family members and given to them as christmas presents (+5 americana points). tours the US twice, europe once (+11 DIY points), stays the fuck out of love (+3 emo points).

2007: releases family album to public (-3 americana points), along with 2 other albums (+5 DIY points). keeps touring...


Has performed hundreds of times in 49 us states (all but alaska) and 3 canadian provinces, as well as in the netherlands (holland), germany, latvia, england, scotland, sweden, norway, denmark, france, spain, italy, switzerland, portugal, andorra, luxembourg, northern ireland, and ireland (so far...).


sorry about dresden (saddle creek records),
they shoot horses (kill rock stars),
laura gibson (hush records),
the physics of meaning (bu hanan records, featuring members of the polyphonic spree),
april sixth (elektra records),
the robot ate me (kill rock stars),
jeff hansen (kill rock stars),
officer may (ace fu records),
the lido venice (eca records),
get loose (eca records),
jason webley (springman records),
karl blau (k records),
the icicles (microindie),
ghost buffalo (featuring members of planes mistaken for stars, suburban home records),
viking moses (marriage records),
drew danburry,
real live tigers,
kyle harvey (karl fucking hy-vee),
dan melchior's broke revue (in the red records, version city records),
the neco novelas band (the best band from mozambique i've ever heard),
sway (the original one from ventura, not the rapper or anything like that),
le meu le purr (blackbird records),
des ark,
death country blues (featuring members of no motiv),
en garde (featuring members of sorry about dresden and the scaries), and many many more. oh god, aren't i cool now?


Midwest/Southwest tour (january 2004),
Midwest/Southeast/Rocky Mountain tour (april 2004),
US tour (june/july 2004),
West Coast tour (late july 2004),
North America (US and Canada) tour (december 2004/january 2005),
West Coast tour (june 2005),
US tour (august-october 2005),
Europe tour (december 2005),
US tour (february-may 2006),
Europe tour (june-august 2006),
US tour (august-november 2006),
North American tour (january-april 2007), plenty more to come...

I like to spend time in the mountains. sometimes i'm happy to lay around in a meadow. sometimes i like to go on long walks. sometimes i swim in a lake or river. sometimes i go to the tops of things. sometimes it takes a long time. sometimes it does not. sometimes i have to use my hands a lot. sometimes i don't. but i always enjoy it.

Mt. Whitney (CA highpoint, Sierra Nevada, 14,494 ft.)
Mt. Elbert (CO highpoint, Sawatch range of the Rocky Mountains, 14,433 ft.)
Uncompahgre Peak (San Juan range of the Rocky Mountains, 14,309 ft.)
Handies Peak (San Juan range of the Rocky Mountains, 14, 048 ft.)
Mt. Muir (Sierra Nevada, 14,015 ft.)
Wheeler Peak (NM highpoint, Sangre de Cristo range of the Rocky Mountains, 13,161 ft.)
Mt. Walter (Sangre de Cristo range of the Rocky Mountains, 13,141 ft.)
Humphreys Peak (AZ highpoint, San Francisco Mountains, 12,633 ft.)
Frazer Mountain (Sangre de Cristo range of the Rocky Mountains, 12,160 ft.)
Bull-of-the-Woods Mountain (Sangre de Cristo range of the Rocky Mountains, 11,640 ft.)
Shell Mountain (Sierra Nevada, 9,900 ft.)
Guadalupe Peak (TX highpoint, Guadalupe Mountains, 8.749 ft.)
Pointe de Mossette (Swiss Alps, 7,470 ft., approached from Croix de Culet)
Harney Peak (SD highpoint, Black Hills, 7,242 ft.)
Moro Rock (Sierra Nevada, 6,725 ft.)
Mt. Mitchell (NC highpoint, Black Mountains of the Appalachian ranges, 6684 ft.)
Croix de Culet (Swiss Alps, 6,437 ft., approcahed from Les Crosets)
Craggy Pinnacle (Black Mountains of the Appalachian ranges, 5892 ft.)
Moscow Mountain (Bitterroot range of the Rocky Mountains, 4,983 ft.)
Brasstown Bald (GA highpoint, Appalachian Mountains, 4,784 ft.)
Ben Nevis (UK/scotland highpoint, Scottish Highlands, 4,409 ft.)
Mt. Mansfield (VT highpoint, Green Mountains of the Appalachian ranges, 4,393 ft.)
Mt. St. Helena (CA coast ranges, 4,339 ft.)
Mt. Sunflower (KS highpoint, 4,039 ft.)
Mt. Diablo (CA coast ranges, 3,849 ft.)
Snowdon (Wales highpoint, Cambrian Mountains, 3,560 ft.)
Saddle Mountain (OR coast ranges, 3,283 ft., winter ascent)
Slieve Donard (Northern Ireland highpoint, Mourne Mountains, 2,786 ft., from Newcastle Town Center)
Mt. Magazine (AR highpoint, Ouachita Mountains, 2,753 ft.)
Piestawa Peak (Phoenix Mountains, az, 2,608 ft.)
Mt. Tamalpais (CA coast ranges, 2,571 ft.)
Mt. Cheaha (AL highpoint, Appalachian Mountains, 2,407 ft.)
Las Trampas peak (CA coast ranges, 1,827 ft.)
High Point (NJ highpoint, Appalachian Mountains, 1,803 ft.)
Knocknagullion(County Kerry, Ireland, 1,289 ft.)
Mugu Peak (Santa Monica Mountains, CA, 1,266 ft.)